How I got Zara excited about clearing up

Hint: By getting excited about it myself

Okay, no, there’s more to it. But let me start with that one. I’ve been meaning to declutter my living space and shed/give away ‘stuff’ for a while now, but have only managed to do it in miserably tiny bursts. So when a friend shared a link to the Marie Kondo show trailer on Netflix, I bookmarked it as something to get to soon. Oh I also shared the link with my mum who began watching the show right away and gave glowing reviews.

Also, on clearing up children's stuff OR getting them to clear up - it's a royal pain in the backside. What I'm sharing here, therefore, helped me address both - ek teer, do nishana types. (One arrow, two targets. No, I will not 'kill two birds with one stone'. I refuse to kill birds, even in words.) Back to the topic.

Last weekend, at a best friend’s house where we were staying, I sat in front of the TV and announced to Zara (after her TV time was over) - 'I’m going to watch something now.' ‘Please watch something I’ll like as well? Like some cartoon’, she said. I responded, ‘I think you will be interested in what I’m watching’, and put on Marie’s show. She joined me on the couch, we scrolled through her episodes together, and picked one which had a couple with kids. We watched as a couple’s house got transformed over the course of a month (54 mins for us) of applying Kondo’s methods. I asked Zara - ‘Will you join me in doing this for our house?’ She said ‘Yes!’ So that was one.

Yesterday, now back home, I was wondering how to get started on this endeavour. It had come up a couple of times on our flight back. Suddenly, it struck me - ‘Zara, why don’t you make a list of what we will do on which day to clear up your stuff’. ‘Mama, it will also be your list because you also have clutter’. Okay, point taken. So it became our list - not just her books, but also mine, for instance.

Now, a note about Zara and lists - she loves them - both making and ticking them off. She takes them very seriously. Like very. So I used an insight I had into her as a person, along with a bit of child psychology (all of this is post-facto deconstruction, as in, in hindsight, at that time it was pure inspiration) - that children want to feel like they’re in charge, they are in control, and can direct things. It’s a basic human need for power and freedom (you can read up on William Glasser’s ‘5 Basic Human Needs’ in his Choice Theory ). So she felt like she was directing the process, not I, which matters. To my daughter, especially, as she exhibits a strong independent streak, is a natural leader (‘The little directress’, I call her. More on this another time.) and loves to be in charge. She also loves feeling a sense of accomplishment, and gets motivated by challenges. Mission accomplished.

That was second. Third was to set boundaries and consequences. Yesterday it was that she would get to go on the playdate with her best friend only after she finished the day’s task as per the list. So while I heated our lunch, she got busy with the first task - clearing up the top bunk of her bunk bed (yep, she has one. The bunk bed is another story for another time). At first she said ‘You have to help me, I can’t do this alone’, and I said ‘Why don’t you get started, I will help you shortly or if you need me’. Thus assured, she clambered on to the top bunk and began. Very soon she'd created a game out of it where she used some props and concocted a theme, decided to take exactly five objects to put away at a time etc. She was some rainbow witch or something, I'm forgetting now. Basically, I saw her enjoying it, and I was enjoying her enjoyment of it. By the time I served our lunch, she was halfway through, which was her target for yesterday anyway. I was so surprised it was actually done! Yet another consequence was that any item of hers that was left behind on the dining table (there were a few books, a doll, some small toys and knick-knacks scattered), would disappear forever and likely be given away to someone else. That's a rule for the hall because it also doubles up as my office and I like having it clean and uncluttered, I'd once explained to her. The rule hasn't always worked before, for many reasons, but this time she cleared up the dining table too before leaving.

Cut to today. I suggested to Zara that we go meet her nana-nani in the evening, and she said ‘But Mama, then we won’t be able to finish our clearing up target for today!’ So now her nana-nani are visiting us instead, and I’m waiting for my daughter to take charge this evening so we can finally get some more clearing up done. This is an experiment that’s working so far. I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts, and keep at it myself in the process!

P.S. - It feels so good to be back to this space. I'm going to share more. Oh there is so much to share!

P.P.S. - Just for context, Zara is 8 now. I know right?! :O

P.P.P.S. - I need to change the blog headline. I'm no longer a 'mint-fresh' mommy, though I often feel like a novice.

P.P.P.P.S. - I hereby promise to not add any more P.S.'s even though I love them.

Today

Today, Zara, I got a glimpse into what it might be like once you've grown-up.

This afternoon, as I announced your bath, you went and sat on the ledge in our room, the one adjoining the window, and urged me to 'Besi' (pronounced 'bey-see', a word your nani keeps using with you, comes from the Gujarati 'Besi jaa', sit) You urgently slapped the warm floor next to you until I relented. Just a while back, I'd lustily read out to you, 'What is this life so full of care...' How could I refuse?

You looked rather pleased at having me next to you on this sun-bathed low seating. The late afternoon rays filtered through your hair, making it look brown, just like mine. I put my arm around little you, smiled, and said 'Hi!' You responded cheerfully with the same 'Hii!' In a flash I saw us at a lazy cafe, two decades from now, swapping stories over steaming cups of coffee ('Kokkee' is what you call it right now). You seemed like such a friend, one I'd love to hang out with. You already are.

You spotted my purple hairbrush next to your tiny white one. While I asked for the latter, you promptly got up and fetched both. A moment later you were insisting on combing my hair. As I let warm sunlight filter through mine, I glanced sideways to see your face intent, trying to brush my unruly hair. I smiled to myself. Will we be braiding each other's hair a decade from now? How lovely it would be to have a gal-pal in the house.

I kept trying to get up to take you to your bath, and you kept pulling me back with your 'Mamma! Beysiiii!' Everything is an exclamation in your world. You exclaim, I pause.

In that one pause this afternoon, I saw an eternity.